I'm going to get real for a minute. Sometimes I daydream about what life would be like if I didn't have kids.
I don't actually want a life without my kids, but to be totally honest, I would love a break from being a responsible parent every now and then.
I go through these phases every few months or so, often initiated by some distant friend's Facebook post of her recent trip to Cabo, and I wish I could have the freedom that my childless friends have. I am so envious of their ability to be spontaneous. To go on a vacation and actually relax. I'm jealous that they don't have to meal plan because ordering in sushi, or drinking wine for dinner is a viable option for them. I wish I had their flexibility of staying late at work to finish a project, or hit snooze on the alarm clock Saturday morning. I wish I could play on my phone for an unhealthy amount of time. God, I wish I could hop in my car and go to the gym!!! And I don't even like the gym!
But more than anything, I wish more moms would talk about this stuff. I wish that our culture didn't shame moms into thinking they need to put their kids before themselves, no matter the cost, and tell us that we shouldn't complain about our mom responsibilities because it was our choice. Yes, I love my kids and they bring me so much joy, but I also love laying on the beach with a trashy magazine, a Corona, and silence. Unfortunately these things are mutually exclusive right now.
I wish that admitting you sometimes feel regret, or want a break, or wish you could turn back time, doesn't mean that you don't love your kids or you are not an amazing parent. It just means you're human.
If this resonates with you, I encourage you to speak up about it. Leave a comment, share with a friend. Let other moms, especially new moms, know that these feelings are normal and it's healthy to talk about them. And if you want a place to talk about it more with people who won't judge you or make you feel bad, join one of our groups.
Because motherhood is tough, but together we are tougher.